Finding an Apostolic Soulmate

Finding an Apostolic “soulmate” is an often asked question

I received an email with the following question today:

“Well this is gonna seem strange, but here it goes, when asking God to send me a wife is it better to just say, ‘God I put it in Your Hands’ and let God pick her for me, not doing anything but wait, or should I pray and ask God to direct me to her?”

This was my response:

What a great question and one that I have had in the past.  Finding my “soulmate” in my 20’s and into my 30’s was a struggle, I didn’t find my wife until I was 34. Many have the opinion that God would send the person to you when you are ready. Here’s what I think, I don’t believe there is a “perfect” person that God has specifically chosen for us. That would imply that God makes personal decisions without our input, and He just doesn’t do that. We are a free will people.

Now with that said, God does give us guidance on who would be a compatible mate and who would not.

To to answer your question, here’s what I did.

  1. I got very clear about what I wanted in a wife. I spent time writing down my wants and desires. I then sorted them into must haves, (example…she must be Apostolic), and nice to haves. This way it wouldn’t be a deal breaker if she didn’t fit every single detail of my wants and desires.
  2. Once I got very clear, I prayed that God would prepare me to receive such a woman. I had some areas that I needed to improve in to sustain a relationship with the “woman of my dreams.”
  3. Since I wasn’t planning on robbing any cradles, I prayed that God would help her (knowing she was already on the planet) be prepared for me.  This comforted me during my search as I knew she was some where and I just needed to find her.
  4.  I started looking. I happened to take looking to another level, in that I created a website to find her (Apostolic Singles Network). ASN may not be right for everyone, but it worked for me and many dear friends that I have. I met Kristin about 1 year later and married her 6 months after that.

Now in the looking, know that there are many wonderful Apostolic women in this world. Many would be a suitable bride. Just remember, that you aren’t looking for a needle in a hay stack, you are looking for a woman that would be a great friend and one that, after having spent some time with her, you don’t want to live without.

I really pray this helps.

Thanks for the question. It was a really great one.

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I Want to Go Here!

God is sovereign. Perfectly holy. Perfectly righteous. Perfectly wonderful. Perfectly glorious. Perfect in wisdom. Perfect in knowledge. Perfect in purpose. Perfect in everything right down to the detail. Right down to the location where He wants us. Whether here, or whether there, wherever He wants to send us, wherever He wants us to stay, wherever He wants us to go, wherever He wants us to pass through, to visit, etc. He knows best about everything – right down to our very location in this very moment.


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  1. Great answer!! I use to have the same question but then I thought what happens if God chose our mate for us and then we didn’t accept the mate chosen? Then there would be a lot of people with the wrong spouse lol So thanks for sharing!?

  2. This was really good. I found the part about us having freewill to be really helpful. I just want God to choose someone for me, but He’s like nope I gave you the tools so do it yourself ?.

  3. That is a very appropriate answer to that question. The beauty of having a self will but also having a savior that will help guide us.. But sometimes we as humans get in a hurry because of emotions ( which we are emotional beings) but through prayer and patience we can succeed even in this process of finding a mate.

  4. I believe its very important to seek God in relation to finding a spouse. I think however the methods vary depending on the genders. I was raised with the belief that the man should be the aggressor therefore he reserves the right to take a more proactive approach in the seeking process as opposed to the female who is expected to be more passive..i.e. Just pray and wait to be found!
    I do agree with making that list and checking it twice…not only does it keep the desire fresh and send God signals about your intentions but it also helps the subconscious stay within the boundaries of what a potential mate should look like and hopefully remove the temptation to “settle”.

    My hopes is that the Almighty would send me someone with whom I can become friends and then subsequently share the journey of discerning His perfect will for both our lives…

    God bless!