How do I attract the perfect spouse


Well isn’t that the million dollar question?! How do I attract the perfect spouse?

I ran across this article and thought you might enjoy it – it’s regarding the discouragement of single life. It’s sort of a question and answer article but I thought it made some really good points. We question why we’re single – I did. I wondered why God hadn’t sent someone to me yet. I had so much love to give and just wondered why – it brought me a lot of grief and sorrow. Well over time (and after making mistakes in relationships) I found out. I wasn’t really ready or prepared for marriage – to the right man. I wasn’t who I was supposed to be – in God, as a potential wife and friend. I thought I was but I had some work to be done. Through prayer, fasting and really asking God to change me and make me into who He wanted me to be – who I needed to be – I became that person (or as close as i was gonna get lol).

We always think of what we want in a person but I didn’t think that maybe I wasn’t who I needed to be to get that person. Think for a second of all the qualities you want in a spouse. Do you have the qualities needed to attract that kind of person? Good question, huh? I wasn’t. I didn’t know what my true role as a wife was, I didn’t realize how much I needed someone strong enough to take care of me, or that it was ok (and biblical) to let someone take care of me. I didn’t truly understand the proper roles of man & woman, husband & wife to make a successful marriage. It wasn’t until the Lord burned, shaved, and hammered on me a bit (figuratively) that I became the kind of person I needed to be in order to attract the man I longed for. Ok, well enough boring you with my life. =) Hope you enjoy the article.

Lord bless you,
Sister Kristin Howell – Apostolic Singles Network

Question: How Can I Attract a Good Spouse?
Q – I am a 23 year old man who finds meeting women to be very difficult. I want to be in a relationship, but dating has never come easy to me. I’m shy and an introvert, and am not sure what to do. I used to attend the Singles program at our church, but gave up after a while. I’ve tried online dating, but didn’t have any success there either. I don’t seem to attract any women, though I can see nothing wrong with my appearance. I’m wondering if God wants me to remain single since things have never worked for me. I watch my friends, who are more social than I am, and many of them either have steady girlfriends or have gotten married. I’m envious of them and wonder, “What is the matter with me?!” Can you help? ~ Discouraged and Lonely

A – Dear Discouraged and Lonely:

I cannot answer definitively whether or not God wants you to remain single, but can say that discouragement often comes with the territory of dating. It often appears to be much easier than it actually is.

Let’s face it: dating can be hard work, especially for an introvert. Putting yourself “out there” for someone to critique is risky business—but there are rarely any shortcuts.

While I’m tempted to reassure you that there is “nothing wrong with you,” I cannot say that. In fact, there may be character traits that need attention. Women and men are often attracted as much to personality as to appearance, and you may have aspects to your personality that need changing. Dating can be a perfect opportunity to discover character traits that need to be addressed.

What have you learned thus far in your dating? Have there been any consistent themes? Have women found you to be boring, insensitive or awkward? If so, you’ll need to address these personality issues. Perhaps they sense your insecurity, and this turns them off. While there may be “the perfect person” out there who will respond favorably to your unique traits, it may also be that you’ll need to strengthen your low self-esteem before giving dating another chance.

You said you gave up on your church single’s program. Why? This would seem to be the perfect arena for finding camaraderie, spiritual support as well as an outlet for gaining social skills. As you increase your social skills, your self-esteem will grow. There’s nothing like a little success to raise our confidence. While you may not find the love of your life there, church single’s programs can offer support while going through the awkward phases of dating. After developing some close friends, you can ask for critical feedback about areas of your personality needing attention. Risky? Yes, however, infinitely rewarding as well.

Before we can attract a “major leaguer,” we must be a “major leaguer.” Therefore, any efforts you put into making yourself an attractive, caring and loving individual will pay rich dividends later. Any groups you can join which will give you needed experience in interacting successfully with women, as well as men, will be invaluable in the dating arena.

Dr. David B. Hawkins

The Relationship Doctor


Related Articles


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.